Seasons of Friendship

I was recently engaged in a really thoughtful and personal discussion with a friend of many years. She and I go back to the very start of our time as spouses, and we share many commonalities. Besides both being Naval aviator wives-we met as newlyweds, we had our first babies within weeks of each other (who are both now 18!), we became friends with many similar people in our circles of military life. We share tons of memories. We also share some losses.

Our conversation was focused on the loss of friendships as adults. We shared stories, sadness, grieving, and the confusion and wonder as to how these relationships had gone the way of the wind. We are both really nice people. We are both really good friends to others. We would do anything for our group of faithful friends from years gone by, yet we both have experienced the loss of really significant relationships in recent years, including one of the same people, so we put our heads together and pondered why.

We discussed the possibility that our friends have become flooded or overwhelmed with whatever is going on in their lives, making it impossible for them to respond in thoughtful and caring ways, as they had in the past, to our friendship needs.

We discussed the possibility of unknown or unrevealed hurts that have gone by unreconciled. We both have stories of times when someone informed us of a wrong or slight, and, being the nice people we are, we both conscientiously and sincerely addressed these issues apologetically. 

We discussed the inability to really comprehend the “why” and “how” these previously close, connected, and beloved friends have suddenly become so distant, so disconnected from our previous persona of friendship, so…far….away. For our nomadic military lifestyles, to say this of someone in the same zip code means a lot. 

Unfortunately, our only solution was that we are all in different seasons of life, and maybe what we are experiencing in our life, now, is incompatible with what they are experiencing in their life, now. We have seen death of parents, career changes (both good and bad), countless deployments and moves, kids grown & flown, suicide, and divorce. None of it feels like quite the right explanation to ghost a friend, but yet, here we are. Nice people. Loss of friends with barely any comprehensible reason. And we are left to wonder….why?

Keep thinking, wondering, and being a great friend!

Christine